I haven’t posted on here lately however i think it’s time. I feel upset and enpowered, raged, yet sorrowfull all at once. Why you ask ? Friends. Recently, I have grown tired of my friends’ immature behavoir, and came to the last straw. I don’t feel that i had done anything drastic, yet again my friends seem to make me feel worse about myself. Despartely trying to do the right thing i separted myself from them hoping to reach out for new horizons. This situation however has become bitter-sweet because I feel like i just lost 3 good friends, and that they are all against me even though i didn’t really do anything. I mean yes, so i said a couple of things that i shouldn’t have. But jesus christ! I have never neglected them as much as they neglected me. I feel as though, everyone is out to get me. Or as if no one seems to care about any of my feelings. I have tried to talk to one of my friends or actually all three, but they refuse to reply. I don’t think i deserve this at all, but it has become apparent to me that perhaps they are not worth it. I want them to be though. I want them to be worth it even if they aren’t. Perhaps that explains why i have put up with so much of their immature behavoir. I’ve tried to hold my tongue, but that does me no good because then sooner or later i just snap. And when i get upset, i get upset. Perhaps it does not help that two of them S and K (who shall remain unamed) are overly dramatic, and sensitive. Myself being very honestly and blunt, and also sensitive, it was a bad match to begin with. But I still tried my best to keep it alive. It floors me that now my last year with them has to be so sour so far. I feel that i do not belong here i’m over this town and these people. I want to move on to bigger things, and i feel I am destined for bigger things. I just don’t know how to find them, admist my small, ridiculous enviroment. I feel as if i’m some sort of caged animal, dying to escape reality. I know that’s it’s bad when i’d rather live in my dreams then in reality. I know this well now, because i woke up today and for a moment i forgot about everything that was going on. And then, I remembered. As much as i try to forget about them and try to take them out of my life, it is hard. It is hard to watch someone you know and love change into someone you never thought they could be, something awful right in front of you. It’s hard to think of all the fun they’re having without me, or the horrible things there saying about me. Are they laughing at my attempts, are they trashing my belifs my ideals, my behavoir? I don’t know. All I can go by is my imagination which thinks up all these nightmeres, these terrible situations, that sadden me all the more. I’d like to say that i’m fine, but really i’m not.